Your first weeks as a newcomer in an online community

Joining an online community is a little like walking into a café where everyone already seems to know each other. There are in-jokes you do not get, names you do not recognise and a sense that there are rules nobody has written down. It is easy to either hang back forever or rush in and say the wrong thing. Neither is necessary.

Almost every long-standing member of a community was a newcomer once, and most of them remember what it felt like. A few simple habits make the first weeks easier for you and pleasant for everyone else. Here is how we would spend them.

Read before you post

Spend your first few visits mostly reading. Pick a handful of threads in the corners that interest you and read them all the way through, replies included. Notice who replies often and what kinds of posts get thoughtful answers. Notice, too, what gets ignored.

This is sometimes called lurking, and it has an unfairly bad name. A little quiet reading is how you learn what the community is actually like, as opposed to what its front page says. It also means that when you do post, you will already know whether your question has been asked, which corner it belongs in and what tone people use.

There is no set amount of time to lurk. A few days is plenty for most places. The point is not to earn the right to speak but to arrive with some idea of where you are.

Learn the local customs

Every community has its own habits, some written down and some not. Start with the written ones: the guidelines, the pinned posts, the help or frequently asked questions page. Ours are on the guidelines page, and the help page explains how things work here, including commenting.

Then watch for the unwritten ones. Things worth noticing:

• Where things go. Are there separate areas for questions, show-and-tell and general chat? Is there a weekly thread for small questions?
• How long posts tend to be. Some places favour quick one-liners; others expect a paragraph or two.
• How people disagree. Is it brisk and direct, or gentle and careful? Matching the local tone avoids misunderstandings.
• What people call things. Communities develop their own shorthand. If you see a term you do not know, search for it before asking.

None of this means you have to imitate everyone. It just means you will know which choices are yours and which are simply local manners.

Introduce yourself lightly

If the community has an introductions thread, use it. Keep it short: who you are in a sentence, what brought you here and what you are hoping to learn or share. A specific detail helps people find something to reply to. “I have been knitting for a year and keep getting stuck on sleeves” invites a response in a way that “Hi, I am new” does not.

If there is no introductions thread, you do not need to start one. Your first useful post will introduce you better than any greeting.

If you write somewhere else, such as your own blog, it is fine to mention it in a profile or an introduction where that is the custom. Leading with links to your own work in your first replies, though, tends to look like you came to promote rather than to take part.

Start with small, useful contributions

Your first contributions do not need to be impressive. They need to be useful or kind. Some good ways to begin:

1. Answer a question you genuinely know. Newcomers often know the answers to newcomer questions better than the regulars do, because they solved the same problem recently. Our piece on writing a helpful answer has some tips.
2. Thank someone specifically. If a reply helped you, say what it helped with. Specific thanks are rare and noticed.
3. Add an experience to a discussion. Threads that ask for experiences are designed for people at every level. Yours counts.
4. Ask a well-prepared question. A clear question is a contribution too; it gives others a chance to help and leaves a useful thread behind. See how to ask a question a community can answer.
5. Offer a summary. If you have just read a long thread to catch up, a short recap of what you found may help the next person.

Try to give a little before you ask a lot. It is not a strict exchange, but communities run on the sense that people are putting things in as well as taking things out.

When you get something wrong

At some point you will post in the wrong place, misread a thread or say something that lands badly. Everyone does. What matters is what happens next.

If someone points out a mistake, thank them, fix it if you can and move on. A short “Thanks, I missed that, have moved it” is enough; long apologies tend to make things more awkward, not less. If you misunderstood a custom, now you know it. If a moderator removes or edits something you posted, read the reason, check the guidelines and adjust. It is rarely personal.

And if someone is genuinely unkind to you, you do not have to argue with them. Step away from the thread, and if it breaks the community’s rules, report it through whatever channel the community provides. Here, the contact page has a topic for reporting a post or comment.

From newcomer to regular

There is no ceremony for stopping being new. One day you realise you recognise most of the names in a thread, you know where things go and someone asks you a question because you answered something similar last month. That is the moment to remember how it felt at the start.

Say hello to the next person who introduces themselves. Answer the question that has been asked many times before without pointing out that it has been asked many times before. Link people to the useful old threads rather than telling them to search. The welcome you got, or wished you had got, is the one you can now give.

Communities are built mostly out of small acts like these, repeated by many people over a long time. Being a good newcomer is simply the first of them.